Wednesday, June 9, 2010

The Ashram - Day whateva'


Dinner at the Ashram

Delora ia truly hungry starving from the time she rises, at 5am, until she falls, face first, into bed at 9pm.  She tries to embrace the hunger as a Ghandi-ish virtue, but she can't because she's starving.  Instead, her survival instincts kick-in and she finds herself plotting to steal food.  She eyes a bowl of oranges on the hallway table and justifies the act of lifting a few into her sunhat while she strolls by. Mallorca orange groves are famous for producing some of the juiciest specimens around, so juicy, they need only be half peeled, then bitten like an apple.  Delora, the savage, can devour these oranges in seconds while sweet juice gushes onto her face and into her hair before it hits her bathroom sink.

Luckily, Delora's dear friend, Catherine, is her roommate.  She's the kind of girl who doesn't mind that Delora has turned into Oliver Twist and has been stealing food and eating it over their shared sinks.  Only once does she mention that Delora has left orange peels scattered around the crime scene.  She is not tempted by Delora's bars; she knows about the dangers of artificially sweetened food and she's made of superior moral fiber.  She doesn't even waiver when Delora finds a blackberry tree on the estate and stoops down to pick a berry off the ground and taste it.  That's right, Delora stooped down, picked a berry off the dirty, dirt ground, and put it into her mouth without a moment's hesitation.  Has Delora ever mentioned that she has a borderline obsessive-compulsive disorder when it comes to cleanliness?  Apparently OCD is not an issue when the choice is between germs and eating.

Here are some of the activities the Ashram plans to keep their guests busy (so they can't hunt for food):

Delora and Catherine being tricked into thinking that they're going on a nice boat ride when they're really being dropped on a beach where they're going to hike straight up a giant mountain to hike through CLOUDS

Other unsuspecting Ashram joy riders

One little mountain...

Clouds...

Delora's mid-day snack

Delora was supposed to choose a total of 5 nuts OR 5 raisins OR a mix of both, still totaling 5.  Using a sleight of hand maneuver, Delora manages to palm 8!  This is the moral decay -- the quest for food -- that preoccupies Delora as she hikes for hours and hours up the steep mountains.  Later Delora will raid the orange bowl before falling into bed and waving goodnight to Catherine across the room.  But Delora is making peace with her hunger, as all good supermodels in training must, and she is staying in the moment and detoxing all at the same time -- when she isn't hunting for food.





6 comments:

SleepTalker said...

I'd be using that hiking pole to spear some fish off the boat. But it sounds like you're coming around to that Ashram gerbil diet. Go girl!

Mental P Mama said...

So now, when you eat trail mix, does it taste like the ashram? I am very proud of you...now please pass the jamon.

Leah said...

Wow, I can't believe you did it! Now that you've survived would you ever go back? For the record, the closest I get to camping/torture is Howard Johnson's...

Anonymous said...

God I miss you!!

Sue-Sue said...

Once again I have to say the little girl acorn does not fall far from the tree!!! I'm planning a few extra meals right now in honor of your trip! XXOO

Lucy Tang said...

I WAS SERIOUSLY thinking of going having just been in Mallorca with friends but now am scared! Very Scared!! Tell me more about it please?! BTW you write birlliantlyl